Why feedback makes us anxious (and what to do)

Why feedback makes us anxious (and what to do)Why feedback makes us anxious (and what to do)For some, the end of the year is a dreaded time - performance review season. Even if you dont work in a professional setting that holds annual reviews, you know your aunt will have some feedback about how youre living your life at an upcoming holiday gathering.And receiving that kind of criticism - good or bad - can make you anxious.Why feedback makes us anxiousAccording to Kimberly Leitch, a licensed clinical social worker andTalkspace therapistbased in New York, receiving feedback can beanxietyprovoking because it is a situation where you are being judged by someone, most likely in a position of authority.When you are sitting with someone who is going to evaluate your performance it can inducestress, as the anticipation can cause you to think negative thoughts, question yourself, or even second guess yourself, she said. This can be the case whether you believe that you have room for impro vement or do exceptional work. The thought of being judged by someone who can make decisions about or impact your growth and direction can weigh very heavily.The best way to overcome this, Leitch suggests, is to try to maintain a positive attitude, think positively, and prepare as much as you can.Focus on what you would say about yourself think about your work ethic and the good qualities that you come with, she said. If it is a situation where you are evaluated, then prepare to talk about your positive qualities and how you feel you are an asset and whyyouwould like to hire you.Receiving feedback with less anxietyIf feedback gives you anxiety - or at minimum, butterflies - youre likely looking for ways to alleviate that dreadful feeling. Below are five additional tips to receive feedback with dignity, grace, and less anxiety.1. Try notlage to reactBefore you do anything internally or externally, take a quiet moment. Allow your brain to process the situation, and take adeep breath . The few seconds you take to do this can stop a dismissive facial expression and keep your rush of emotions at bay.2. Dont be surprised if good news is tough to receiveGood news can make you anxious because it may come with something you didnt expect, Leitch said.For example, if you aremeeting with a supervisorand they tell you what a great employee you are, they may want to give you additional responsibilities that you werent prepared for. They may want to move you out of your comfort zone into something mora challenging and stressful then you are used to.3. Ask questions to clarifySince the lack of control and unknowns that accompany feedback are what can trigger anxiety, its important to try and gain control and better understand what is being communicated.Ask questions to make sure that you understand what is being said. Focus on understanding the feedback you are receiving, not on your emotions or your next response.4. Take time to process the feedbackAfter receiving your feed back, let it sink in and allow yourself some time to think about it, Leitch said.Good or bad it may be useful information for you. It may open you up to a new or different perspective that you were unable to see. It may provide insight and how you are perceived by others. It may not affect you, or it may give you the opportunity to change in ways you normally wouldnt have thought to.5. Separate feedback from judgmentAs Leitch mentioned, one of the reasons feedback makes us anxious is because we equate it with judgment.To keep calm, remind yourself that the feedback you receive is not a judgment on your ability or personality. Its simply advice on how to improve, or acomplimenton something you are already excelling in. Reframing your perception this way can make you more open to hearing opinions on your performance, actions, or behavior, and less fearful of failure.Receiving feedback helps us growFeedback is important and it can strengthen arelationship. Knowing that another person ( who is likely close to you and maybe someone you respect) is going to tell it to you straight creates and builds trust. Its one of the only ways we can learn about our strengths and weaknesses - without this knowledge we cant improve.When you let feedback make you anxious, you only add stress to your life and run the risk of missing out on important insights. While feedback isnt easy to give or receive, being better prepared to hear it can make a difference in your personal life and professional performance.This article first appeared on Talkspace.